Using this site requires enabling javascript and cookies.
[ x ]
Free Shipping On US Orders Over $50
All continental US orders of $50 or more ship free by UPS Ground. Alaska, Guam, Puerto Rico, Hawaii and U.S. territories outside the continental US are excluded. US orders under $50 and international orders ship at regular rate. Subscriptions do not apply towards the $50 order minimum.
Please select UPS Ground shipping option at checkout for free shipping if you are a US customer and your order is $50 or more. UPS Ground cannot ship to P.O. Boxes. 2-Day express and US Post shipping options are still offered at regular rates.
Order cost is based on the amount before tax (where applicable) and shipping fees are added.
Offer expires 8/31/08 and is subject to change at any time without prior notification.
See our complete shipping policy.
Contact information
Subscriptions
For questions regarding Onion Subscriptions, please contact The Onion Subscription department at 1-866-4ONIONS (1-866-466-4667) or email subscriptions@theonion.com.
General Onion Store Inquiries
For all other Onion Store matters, please email store@theonion.com or call 1-800-280-1791 between the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. (EST), Monday–Friday. If the line is busy, please try again.
